Julia Langer, friend
Pegi, how many steps did we take together!? Threading our way along wild paths and city streets together, no matter the weather. Talking about life and loss, food and books…so many books. Dissecting the news, defending our views, brainstorming big ideas for protecting the planet or small ideas like what’s for dinner, celebrating small victories & big accomplishments. Decompressing from family stresses, bosses & boards, friends & enemies, always laughing at ourselves in the scheme of things.
So many steps we walked together! Kvelling about our girls, stressing about our guys. Marvelling at our luck, recognizing our privilege, railing at injustices, striving not just to talk the talk but walk the walk, knowing so many steps need to be taken. What mindful steps we took together, eating our raisin so slowly and mindfully (mindlessly according to Phil), you to be more confident, me to be less judgmental. Talking and walking, walking and talking through our goals and aspirations and ups and downs, your perennial optimism as constant as the seasons.
How many strokes did we paddle together? Pushing against the wind—real and metaphorical—lugging oversized packs over tangled portages (also metaphorical?). Sharing the awe and wonder and healing energy of boreal rock, water and forest, learning and absorbing together just a sliver of what the trees know and could teach us. Revelling in pelting but nourishing rain and the end-to-end double rainbow reward for not just enduring but embracing, for not just accepting but your startling hope and grace.
How many new and funny words to “Oh Christmas Tree” did we sing together? Apparently there is no better song for commemorating comings and goings, celebrating the passing of years, pelting it out out of tune with tears of glee running down our faces. So many meals together, in the warmth of your home and under the shade of the trees, gourmet and potluck, en famile and awesome parties. How many films did we watch together, bookended by wine, dessert and catching up with friends. So many trees and beaches and birds and rocks and flowers and snowstorms we admired together, unabashedly appreciating them year after year, always fresh and new and inspiring and hopeful.
How many steps did we take together? Heartbreakingly not enough. But at this moment, just enough to imprint your kindness and compassion and honesty and expectations on my heart and soul, like fossil footprints of dinosaurs and small children which endure the millennia. As I walk, each step will whisper to me forever: what would Pegi say?